Dear Girl Who Takes Her Birth Control In The Elevator:
Seriously. Seriously? You must be a very proud for having grown up to be Big Girl and get to take Big Girl medicine. You get to have Big Girl relations with Big Boys. High five. AND heaven forbid you concieve out of wedlock, because DADDY WOULD BE MOST DISAPPOINTED and might take away the car you got for your 16th birthday, what with a bastard child and all. But it's fun to name babies! You could have so picking out a name half as odd as those you watch on Laguna Beach. Maybe Keifen? Trian? Kaylean? So many choices!
Alright, fine, birth control girl, maybe you don't want a baby. Then you are being Most Responsible. But how necessary is it to administer such birth control on the elevator, of all places? Perhaps you are unsure of where to take it, then? Here is a list of More Appropriate Locations:
1. Your bedroom.
2. Your bathroom.
3. Your car.
4. Your living room.
5. Church confessional.
Are you trying to impress the rest of elevator with the thought of your sexual exploits lewd and uninhibited enough to warrant the taking of birth control? Bravo. And, yes, I understand the importance of timeliness of the taking of birth control. Could you not have taken it in your room, where you were applying your white eyeliner mere moments before? Rushed morning?
Fine. Understandable. You totally forgot and, I suppose taking it in the elevator is better than taking it in your classroom or NYC alleyway. HOWEVER, woman, is it necessary to wave your little packet emblazoned with pictures of -swoon- Joshua Jackson and Jude Law around as if it were flag day? NO.
We get it. You have sex.
Seriously. Seriously? You must be a very proud for having grown up to be Big Girl and get to take Big Girl medicine. You get to have Big Girl relations with Big Boys. High five. AND heaven forbid you concieve out of wedlock, because DADDY WOULD BE MOST DISAPPOINTED and might take away the car you got for your 16th birthday, what with a bastard child and all. But it's fun to name babies! You could have so picking out a name half as odd as those you watch on Laguna Beach. Maybe Keifen? Trian? Kaylean? So many choices!
Alright, fine, birth control girl, maybe you don't want a baby. Then you are being Most Responsible. But how necessary is it to administer such birth control on the elevator, of all places? Perhaps you are unsure of where to take it, then? Here is a list of More Appropriate Locations:
1. Your bedroom.
2. Your bathroom.
3. Your car.
4. Your living room.
5. Church confessional.
Are you trying to impress the rest of elevator with the thought of your sexual exploits lewd and uninhibited enough to warrant the taking of birth control? Bravo. And, yes, I understand the importance of timeliness of the taking of birth control. Could you not have taken it in your room, where you were applying your white eyeliner mere moments before? Rushed morning?
Fine. Understandable. You totally forgot and, I suppose taking it in the elevator is better than taking it in your classroom or NYC alleyway. HOWEVER, woman, is it necessary to wave your little packet emblazoned with pictures of -swoon- Joshua Jackson and Jude Law around as if it were flag day? NO.
We get it. You have sex.
posted by Anna @ 1:13 PM
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