Bananas go to law school, too!


Stealing an idea from Roommate-Marie, a little birthday list, recounting the past twenty-two years.

Year 1: I hung out with Michael in an incubator, plotting our plans of world domination. Quickly foiled by Jaundor the Yellow Menace and the Attack of the Fingers in the Electrical Socket.
Year 2: Moved to America-land. Promptly began stealing my brother's pacfiers in an attempt to embrace American individualism. Could not pull self up by bootstraps as did not own boots with straps.
Year 3: Loved & lost Francesca. No quip to be made.
Year 4: Anna & Michael go to kindergarten at public school.
Year 5: "Ew!" says Mom & Dad. Sent to Catholic school, complete with nuns.
Year 6: Got puppy, named it Banjoy. It grew taller than twinnie and I. Was very destructive and/or violent. Suddenly, Banjo "ran away." Parents kept up this rouse for 15 years, then "mentioned" that no, Banjo was sold to Cruella de Ville (my version) or given to the animal shelter (parent's version).
Year 7: Moved to Chicago. And so begins 8 years of social awkwardnes the likes of which the Midwest n'er had dreamed, pioneered by twinnie & myself.
Year 8: Went to Italy. Cousin Allegra & I had Men Of Great Importance of the Villaige of San Benedetto row out on a boat to save us, thinking we were drowning. Upon reaching the shore, the game "Lifeguard" was no longer allowed in the Adriatic Sea.
Year 9: Got another puppy, named it Shakespeare. Shakespeare was quite dumb and walked into glass doors. People began giving me funny looks when I would exclaim in public, "Shakespeare dropped a duece on the rug this morning!"
Year 10: Fell in love with my sixth grade teacher. And so begins my infallible ability to fall in love with men in power positions, even those that have David Bowie posters in their office. Justin also arrives in the world. Begin to invent ridiculous accent to quote him. Ten years later, Sara reminds me "He does NOT sounds like that."
Year 11: Started Jr. High. Also known as the Dark Ages.
Year 12: First boyfriend. Boyfriend buys me a Starbucks lemon square as a sign of undying love. "Best Friend" begins making out with Boyfriend. ANGRY BANANA. Have not consumed lemon square since.
Year 13: In my first and only act of defiance and/or rebellion, joined swim team instead of tennis team, much to my father's chagrin. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE SPENT ON TENNIS CAMP!??!?!
Year 14: Fell in love with my physics teacher. No David Bowie poster, so slightly more socially acceptable.
Year 15: Began working at Boston Market or "BoMar" as the cool kids call it. Told self I WILL NEVER WORK IN FOOD SERVICE AGAIN. Six years later, still waitressing.
Year 16: Last year of competitive swimming. Told Jill "This will be the most in-shape I will ever be in my entire life." Haven't proved self wrong yet.
Year 17: Freshman year of college. Did crew, was a bio major, took upper-level calculus, got mono, strep & tosilites (twice) first semester. Almost failed out. Joined a sorority, changed to a humanities major, began drinking more heavily. Got straight As.
Year 18: Became legal. College nickname "jail bait" becomes slightly less applicable.
Year 19: Sould my soul to the Panhellenic devil and began three-year reign as Panhellenic Recruitment Chiar. Will go down in history books as Reign of Terror or Golden Age, depending on which sorority you ask.
Year 20: Spent summer days/evenings in Michigan being called an "F-ing idiot" and having plates thrown at my head by my boss. Spent summer nights on beach. Comes up a draw.
Year 21: Changed residency from 83 Ridge Road, North Attelborough, Mass to actual residency of Park Ridge. Started law school.
Year 22: So far, have checked email, drank coffee, studied Property. Start strong.