Bananas go to law school, too!


Kinkos & FedEx Stink

So, after a day of Many Fears and Frightening Moments, and still not being anywhere close to being done with anything associated with the writing competition, I decide to take a study break to make doubly-sure that I have all my supplies and things for tomorrow afternoon's printing and mailing BONAAAAANZA. Manilla envelopes, staples, ink injector for ink cardtridges; CHECK CHECK AND CHECK.

So I call the local Kinkos FedEx place to make sure that the magical tracking number on my Package of Law Journal Hope will (a) track what time a package was sent and (b) will be able to track a package that was sent after business hours. The guy on the other end of the line CLEARLY has no idea what he is talking about.

Act I
[Welcome to Kinkos, etc etc]
Me: I just want to make sure that the tracking number FedEx gives me will record the time the package is sent.
Mr. Kinko: What is your tracking number?
Me: No, no, I just want to make sure that's a service FedEx offers.
Mr. Kinko: Well, if you pay by credit card, you can verify the time you paid for it.
Me: Well, shouldn't the tracking number tell me what time the package was sent?
Mr. Kinko: You can tape a copy of your receipt to your package.
-Seriously, Martha Stewart?!?!? -
Me: But the tracking number won't have that information?
Mr. Kinko: Well, if you need me to, I can call 1-800-GO-FEDEX and check.
Me: Oh no, you've been more than helpful. click.

Sigh, I am going to go ahead and call FedEx myself because I don't so much "trust" Mr. Kinko.

Act II
[Dial 1 for English, etc etc etc]
Me: I am trying to figure out if the tracking number would have the time a package was sent.

Mrs. FedEx: What is your tracking number?
Me: I have no tracking number. I did not send a package.
Mrs. FedEx: You can access your tracking number online.
Me: No, no, I'm talking hypothetically here. If I WERE to send a package with FedEx [seriously doubting the wiseness of that plan now..] would the recipient have access to the time the package was sent when they recieve it.
Mrs. FedEx: Well, it depends on the service you choose, we can do next day mail. Or three day mail.
Me: Okay. I have a deadline tomorrow at 7PM. If I send a package before 7PM, will there be any way for the person who gets it to know that I have sent it by the deadline?
Mrs. FedEx: Well, the package will have a tracking number.
Me: But does that tracking number have the time the package was sent?
Mrs. FedEx: Well, you can access your tracking number online at
Me: And would that show when the package was sent?
Mrs. FedEx: Well, yes....
Oh, is it that obvious, really, that it needed to take seven minutes and all I wanted was a human being to tell me that NO you will not fail the law review game by sending your ream of paper to Sir Law Review via FedEx. Thank you.


And I still have NO IDEA whether FedEx will let me send a package after business hours (say, 5:59:59PM CDT) and timestamp it as such. Because everyone at FedEx is a moron. Does anyone out there in the grand internet know?