Bananas go to law school, too!


Dear Chicago,

Knock it off. You are great is so many ways. Your lakefront, it's great - especially in the summer - keeps the city from being muggy and gross. Your summer music festivals - awesome! I love music! I love being festive! They are so many great and awesome things about Chicago.

Except one thing.

For the love of God, play it cool. We have exactly two "real" celebrities hanging out in Chicago. Vince Vauhgn and Jennifer Aniston. Granted, it's neat! It's great! And if I were to pass them down the street, I would obviously gawk and be excited. But I must law down the law.

You need to get them off the evening news. Look they're at a Cubs game! Look they're at the beach! It's great! LOOK LOOK LOOK WE HAVE FAMOUS PEOPLE.

Awesome, Chicago newscasters. Awesome. I understand the whole Second City mentality (more like third, or even fourth city when it comes to celebrities). But you're EMBARASSING ME!! I lived in New York City for the past nine months. That's where we're super-great and super-chill when it comes to celebrities. And, gosh, you guys are just SO NOT PLAYING IT COOL! So, why not set up a Chicago version of Gawker Stalker, a personal favorite, and you can gawk and stalk and follow up and tell people where "all" the celebrities are. That would be cool. But having reputable newspeople interviewing the restaurant owner from where Aniston/Vaughan ate dinner this week is LAME AND NEEDS TO STOP.

Granted, this is coming from the same newscast that features Mr. Food ("boiled hot dogs and food coloring arranged into this PATRIOTIC FLAG!") and All My Children Jeopardy (don't ask). But still. Try to play it like you're like a part of the slightly-nerdy fraternity having an open party. and you see a mega hot girl. YOU DON'T MAKE A BIG SCENE! You don't go around and follow her and try to see if maybe you can take a picture of your buddies letting off a bottle rocket and then at the VERY LAST MINUTE you swing the camera a bit to the right so it's KINDA like you were able to get a picture with her, but not really. You sit back, pretend like it's normal and maybe she'll have a good enough time to stay awhile - and maybe come back.